I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
