dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
