Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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