A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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