Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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