i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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