it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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