How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
