Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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