Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
