Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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