I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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