I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My first STD was from a foam party
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
