True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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