If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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