My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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