I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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