i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
