I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
