I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
