HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
