Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
