Three words: puerto rican gang bang
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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