the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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