is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
