turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
