census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
