you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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