im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
