I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
