My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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