you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
