Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize