Whod you bang
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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