she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
