I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
