im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
