she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
