The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
