1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
