I love black thongs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
