Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
