Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
