Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
