I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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