Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
