The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
