Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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