Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
