dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
