My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
