ugly people sure do ruin things
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
