I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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