bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
