Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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