Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
