This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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