btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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