I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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