I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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