It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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