M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
