How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
