This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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