Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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