Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
