Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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