I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
