There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
