Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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