I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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