I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
