dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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